how romcoms shape formative perceptions and experiences of love

ft. a fun recontextualization of "the big three" in astrology through a romance lens

Humans like to categorize their identities into neat boxes: personality tests, horoscopes, the coffee creamer flavor they choose from the store. In honor of Valentine’s Day approaching, I’ve decided to combine two categories to reveal insightful contours of a person’s worldview:

Romantic films and astrology’s big three.

Brief Overview

For this post, we are playing with the definitions of the big three signs and recontextualizing them within the romantic frame as follows:

• Sun - known for reflecting core identity and personality. This is the most loosey-goosey of the three, because here we actually choose how we identify and where we recognize ourselves.

• Rising (aka ascendant) - outward demeanor, others’ first impressions. This is your friend you’re having a conversation with, and they notice that maybe you’re a bit avoidant, stepping out into the dating scene or even the opposite, saying, “Hey, their relationship is actually goals?”

• Moon - representing the innermost self, subconscious, and emotional needs, it’s another way of asking, “Who are you at the end of the day when you’ve wiped away the day? What are you afraid of admitting? What’s your younger self wanting to say about romantic styles?” Meanwhile, you’re daydreaming about all this between now and whenever your brain falls asleep, mulling over the state of your romantic life.

The TLDR: in astrology, your big three is the roadmap describing a person.

The romantic stories imprinted on a person impact and reflect their views on heartbreak, love, and the abundance in between. Today, we’ll play around with the formative romance films I grew up watching - the ones plopped on at home before entering into the whirlpool of dating.

And hey, why not provide some levity by flirting around with this astrology and romcom intersection? It is just for fun. I’d love to play with tone and writing style, even for just a post - let’s be a bit goofy, okay?

Please note there will be mild spoilers for each film.

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YOU’VE GOT MAIL (1998)

Sun sign: Represents core identity, personality

“What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you.”

– Kathleen Kelly, The Shop Around the Corner owner

The last of the 1990s Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan trio plopped on my screen after my first-ever watch of BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S (1961).

I aspired to be Kathleen Kelly with her quaint independent bookshop and calm zest for life, but what really drew me in were the messages between Shopgirl and NY152. There’s authenticity charging their exchanges, especially online, even if it comes at the detriment of their offline personas (“To the mattresses!”). And that connection is charming. As a former blogger and someone who can thrive in the talking stages, the connection portion spoke to me - alongside the unbridled gumption to just let it all out there.

I must confess my views on this film differ eight years later with an unfavorable view on certain aspects (that’s for another time), but yes, this film imprinted during my first watch.

LA LA LAND (2016)

Ascendant Sign: Represents outward demeanor, others’ first impressions

“This is the dream! It’s conflict and it’s compromise, and it’s very, very exciting!”

— Sebastian, pianist and aspiring jazz club owner

Ah, LA LA LAND - this was a film I dragged my parents to see during the peak of my high school year burnout and musical theater obsession. I stumbled outside my room after another three-hour SAT cram session and insisted on going. I liked Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, in other projects, and hey: if you liked theater, you at least enjoyed some jazz.

One of the key themes throughout the film is the ebb and flow of career versus love. At sixteen, I concluded the ending made sense. Mia and Sebastian needed to separate to achieve their respective dreams, and I dismissed their separation as practical, the right choice, really. What an easy choice. According to friends, I’m incredibly pragmatic acknowledging when and if a romantic relationship of mine works or not.

But that’s the beauty the film gets right: sometimes, you do have to make the hard decision of separating, knowing something isn’t working - and still wishing the other person all the best. When faced with similar ordeals, I understood the magnitude of the characters’ decisions to separate. And sometimes, ending a relationship on a mutual note hurts more than an end angry at one another - such is life.

LETTERS TO JULIET (2010)

Moon Sign: innermost self, subconscious, emotional needs

“I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for - but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I'd have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.”

- Claire, reciting Sophie’s letter as Juliet

I’ll admit, the movie is SO cheesy - but damn is it a feel-good movie I’ll happily watch every time. I was no stranger to Amanda Seyfried thanks to the one year MAMMA MIA (2008) played in my household. Plus, Colbie Caillat on the OST made me stay (her debut album was PLATINUM on my iPod).

Being ten meant standing on double digits, but too young an age to carry an independent sense of self - but you can truly trace enough elements from the film and still find them in my present day self. I love writing and embarking on a spontaneous adventure in the middle of my travels - anyone I’ve met with while solo traveling knows the plans are changing right as I’m boarding the train.

No matter how much caution I take, I am a romantic at heart. The quote above is towards the latter half of the film, but it’s a story about recognizing love and taking charge when you see it STAT. And while I’ve never written a letter to Juliet yet, I do love doling out romantic advice to friends. (But never say never, right?)

And to end this, I’ll happily report my own review. I screamed to my aunt on speaker post-watching the film:

“That was the most romantic film I’ve ever seen in my life!”

- Abby, aged ten, whose main exposures to romance at this time were through TANGLED (2009), ENCHANTED (2007), and JUST LIKE HEAVEN (2005)

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RECOMMENDATIONS

Now for some practical suggestions - if you’re looking for a few films to watch this Valentine’s Day month, here are three additional titles and my quick spiel on why you should watch each one.

• For something short and sweet: TAMAKO LOVE STORY (2014) - An anime film straddling the awkward and often painful liminality between childhood friends transforming into something more. Despite the familiar plot, it’s the negative space that’s worthwhile watching and exemplifies it from others in the genre. It’s all in the details.

• For a throwback: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (1993) - There have since been modern adaptations of this Shakespeare play, but even in the 1600s, the Bard clocked the infamous scenario of everyone conspiring to set up two people who just so happy to hate each other, aka the ultimate wingperson gig of enemies-to-lovers. Reminds me of all the scheming friends and I did in our college days. Plus, the star-studded cast for this film? INCREDIBLE.

• For an underrated 2020s fun: THE BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY (2020) - A heartbroken art curator teams up with the hopeful boutique hotel owner to create their own gallery featuring staples from others’ past relationships - and perhaps, something more? Quirky, delightful, and charming.

  

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  What would you consider your romantic film big three? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments - and if there’s enough interest, I may do a follow-up post about what everyone’s favorite say about them. Until next time!